August 28th, 2006
August 23rd, 2006
Where am I?
“Hiding away in the deeps- deep, deep, deep down in the deepest deeps… It says so much: the Deeps. There is all the coldness and darkness and deepness in the world…”
I’m in the deeps today…
“That’s life for you…someone always waiting for someone who never comes home. Always loving something more than that thing loves them. And after a while you want to destroy whatever that thing is, so it can hurt you no more”.
“Hiding away in the deeps- deep, deep, deep down in the deepest deeps… It says so much: the Deeps. There is all the coldness and darkness and deepness in the world…”
I’m in the deeps today…
“That’s life for you…someone always waiting for someone who never comes home. Always loving something more than that thing loves them. And after a while you want to destroy whatever that thing is, so it can hurt you no more”.
August 18th, 2006
i dont understand relationships. i really don't.
i sometimes think i do, but then i guess not.
hay, what to do? what to do?
i sometimes think i do, but then i guess not.
hay, what to do? what to do?
July 13th, 2006
July 6th, 2006
i wanna give up but i cant. i'm sitting alone in the hospital room as i think, wait and philosophize about my life. i dont even know why i bother to think when everything seems to just get more complicated. the whole room around me is covered with glass. from the 15th floor, i see so many things around me. i feel like i'm being surrounded by my past, forced upon my present and haunted by my future. everything life has to offer seems to be within my reach- something i want to grasp, so many things i want to hold on to yet i know i must let go, move on and accept the new. but i can't..
the streets of my childhood literally lie in front of me. i see the house i first lived in and grew up in. there, i first learned how to smile, to laugh, to cry, to walk, to swim, to bike, to fall, to rise and to be. it seemed so easy back then. there wasn't much to lose. i'm trying to recall how to simply pick myself up again after a bad fall but i forget when i need to do it most. as you get older, you realize that there is so much to lose in a blink of an eye.
all the trees, houses, buildings and parked cars seem still. as if there is nothing going on, no life in them yet i know inside life goes on. people hide things. you never know what is going on inside them. maybe that's why we were taught before never to judge. appearances are deceiving. the world seems still but beneath it lie all its secrets and wrath.
fields lie before me and there i see people playing different sports, laughing, running, screaming- all full of life. yet i sit here and watch. is watching enough to take part in their joy? maybe it is.
why does the world still bother to go around when you want it so badly to stop? cant people see that your world has seemingly ended? the pace is too fast, the rythm too difficult to keep up with. why do the noises in my head seem to make me realize that the world is silent?
i'm tired, my head aches and i'm confused. my present dicatates i take it all in. sometimes i'm unsure if i'm surviving. how do i handle all these? my life is so different now. it's put on a weird "pause". more of a yellow light on a stoplight. it's not go but it ain't stop either. what scares me most is whatever the presnt holds today will bring my future. i dont know what i want to be. i just want to sleep through it all.
dont mind my silence. i use this as my catharsis to stay healthy. you need not pity, analyze nor comfort me. i'll be fine. :)
the streets of my childhood literally lie in front of me. i see the house i first lived in and grew up in. there, i first learned how to smile, to laugh, to cry, to walk, to swim, to bike, to fall, to rise and to be. it seemed so easy back then. there wasn't much to lose. i'm trying to recall how to simply pick myself up again after a bad fall but i forget when i need to do it most. as you get older, you realize that there is so much to lose in a blink of an eye.
all the trees, houses, buildings and parked cars seem still. as if there is nothing going on, no life in them yet i know inside life goes on. people hide things. you never know what is going on inside them. maybe that's why we were taught before never to judge. appearances are deceiving. the world seems still but beneath it lie all its secrets and wrath.
fields lie before me and there i see people playing different sports, laughing, running, screaming- all full of life. yet i sit here and watch. is watching enough to take part in their joy? maybe it is.
why does the world still bother to go around when you want it so badly to stop? cant people see that your world has seemingly ended? the pace is too fast, the rythm too difficult to keep up with. why do the noises in my head seem to make me realize that the world is silent?
i'm tired, my head aches and i'm confused. my present dicatates i take it all in. sometimes i'm unsure if i'm surviving. how do i handle all these? my life is so different now. it's put on a weird "pause". more of a yellow light on a stoplight. it's not go but it ain't stop either. what scares me most is whatever the presnt holds today will bring my future. i dont know what i want to be. i just want to sleep through it all.
dont mind my silence. i use this as my catharsis to stay healthy. you need not pity, analyze nor comfort me. i'll be fine. :)
blahApril 5th, 2006
i dunno. why i got an LJ... maybe because of my love, tala :) hehehe.. so i can read hers :p
since i dont know what to write, i shall copy what i saw on a friend's page..
10 FIRSTS
first best friend(s): Jackie Reyes and Raia Gomez (K1 in Poveda)
first screen name: maraban
first pet name: khalil (my dalmatian when i was 3)
first piercing: ears
first crush: macauly culkin (but i cant spell his name)
first school: early childhood something in corinthian gardens clubhouse
first house location: 1 sanso st, corinthians
first kiss: benj (yuck, sounds gross) :P
first car: mini
9 LASTS
last time you smoked: never have :p
last food you ate: cereals
last car ride: today on my way home from bel-air (i got my first police ticket :()
last movie you watched: RENT -- the best :):):):)
last phone call: a while ago when i got caught by the police.. i had to tell someone :(
last CD you listened to: cd in the car
last song you listened to: i should tell you.. i should tell you
8 HAVE-YOU-EVERS
dated a best friend: yeah. not good :P
been arrested: nope
been on TV: yeah
eaten sushi: yup but i dont like it :s
cheated on your BF/GF: no way cause i never had a boy friend hahaha
been on a blind date: not yet that desperate
been out of the country: yup
been in love: mmhhmm..
7 THINGS YOU ARE WEARING
(NOW?!)
1. underwear
2. bra
3. shirt
4. denim capris
5. watch
6. scapular
7. that's all haha
6 THINGS YOU HAVE DONE TODAY
1. sleep
2. eat
3. drive
4. smile
5. cry
6. hug
5 FAVORITE THINGS
1. cheese or anything edible
2. my car
3. my cell phone
4. my camera
5. the tv
5 PEOPLE YOU TRUST THE MOST
1. maralla
2. lia
3. kara
4. maia
5. benj
3 THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE
1. have sex hahaha (more of have a child :P)i wanna be a mommy!!
2. go sky diving or bungee jumping
3. get married
2 CHOICES
vanilla or chocolate: vanilla
hugs or kisses: hugs
1 PERSON YOU WANT TO SEE RIGHT NOW?
YOU!!!
since i dont know what to write, i shall copy what i saw on a friend's page..
10 FIRSTS
first best friend(s): Jackie Reyes and Raia Gomez (K1 in Poveda)
first screen name: maraban
first pet name: khalil (my dalmatian when i was 3)
first piercing: ears
first crush: macauly culkin (but i cant spell his name)
first school: early childhood something in corinthian gardens clubhouse
first house location: 1 sanso st, corinthians
first kiss: benj (yuck, sounds gross) :P
first car: mini
9 LASTS
last time you smoked: never have :p
last food you ate: cereals
last car ride: today on my way home from bel-air (i got my first police ticket :()
last movie you watched: RENT -- the best :):):):)
last phone call: a while ago when i got caught by the police.. i had to tell someone :(
last CD you listened to: cd in the car
last song you listened to: i should tell you.. i should tell you
8 HAVE-YOU-EVERS
dated a best friend: yeah. not good :P
been arrested: nope
been on TV: yeah
eaten sushi: yup but i dont like it :s
cheated on your BF/GF: no way cause i never had a boy friend hahaha
been on a blind date: not yet that desperate
been out of the country: yup
been in love: mmhhmm..
7 THINGS YOU ARE WEARING
(NOW?!)
1. underwear
2. bra
3. shirt
4. denim capris
5. watch
6. scapular
7. that's all haha
6 THINGS YOU HAVE DONE TODAY
1. sleep
2. eat
3. drive
4. smile
5. cry
6. hug
5 FAVORITE THINGS
1. cheese or anything edible
2. my car
3. my cell phone
4. my camera
5. the tv
5 PEOPLE YOU TRUST THE MOST
1. maralla
2. lia
3. kara
4. maia
5. benj
3 THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE
1. have sex hahaha (more of have a child :P)i wanna be a mommy!!
2. go sky diving or bungee jumping
3. get married
2 CHOICES
vanilla or chocolate: vanilla
hugs or kisses: hugs
1 PERSON YOU WANT TO SEE RIGHT NOW?
YOU!!!